A very sad day

My heart is very heavy today.

A student from school committed suicide last night. It is always shocking and it is always heartbreaking when something like this happens, especially in your own communities. Lately, I have been hearing so much about kids all over the country, big schools, small schools, public and private, who are doing things to hurt themselves and then this.....it is so heartbreaking on so many different levels.

For me, I think of the complete desperation one must feel.

For me, I send my deepest compassion to all of the families who deal with depression and anxiety in their kids every day, and especially to those whose children take their own lives.

For me, I send love and deep strength to all of the kids who feel so alone.

For me, I think of my peer in my high school who took her life and the deep effects it had on our own small community.

For me, I think of my cousin, Edward.

For me, I think of my kids and how they will handle this tragic news.

For me, I want kids to be kids for as long as humanly possible.

For me, I think of the increasing pressure kids feel every day. The weight you have on your shoulders to do more, be more, be the best in sports, be the prettiest or most handsome, get the best grades, do as many activities as you possibly can. Then, completely differentiate yourself from your peers so that you can get into a good college, then grad school. That way you can get a great job that pays a lot of money and then you will be happy. It is exhausting just thinking about it.

For me, all I want to do is give my girls a hug. Let them know I love them, and am always here for them, unconditionally, and am so proud they are my daughters. I am grateful I get to be their mom. If they need to talk to someone and it can't be me, that is totally fine! As long as they talk. As long as it is someone they can trust.

For me, I want mental health to become a priority in this country. Let therapy become a normal thing instead of having a stigma attached to it. Instead of being something not discussed, bring it into the open. It is hard growing up. It is hard for parents to parent! Parents have never been parents until they are in fact, parents! I am not going to do everything right and they aren't going to everything right as kids. It is a growing process as families to be together, figuring it out, as we go. A little extra help along the way is a very good thing.

For me, I need to acknowledge the sadness I feel. I don't know this particular family but I still feel very sad. I send love, support, and deepest thoughts and concern to all who loved her, all who knew her, and hope that happy memories as well as compassion fill the voids left in their hearts.

For me, I want to yell from the tree tops that no one is alone. There is always help. No matter how sad you are, how alone you are, you are truly never alone. There is always someone who can help.

For me, I want all my friends and families to know that they are loved. You are special and you are never alone.

For me, I realize that in time, life moves on. It has to. The sun will set, the sun will rise. With each passing moment, I take hold. I realize that life is so fragile and so fleeting. You must grab the simple moments where you can, grab your place in time and cherish it. Hold onto it. Suck the marrow from it. Seize the day. Seize the moment.

Put on Prayer in C by Robin Schulz and Lilly Wood and the Prick and get cooking.

The Foley family gave me this recipe a few months ago and boy it is good. It is soooooo good. It is even better that it is VERY, VERY, VERY easy. Literally, throw some items in the crock pot. Turn it on and go. THANK YOU FOR THIS RECIPE. We make it all the time. Totally good and totally healthy.

White Chicken Chili
Approx 1 lb chicken breasts
2 jars salsa
2 cans, drained and rinsed white beans or any beans of your choosing
Chili Mix seasoning (I either buy an organic version or have made up my own using chili powder, dried onion and garlic, cumin, basil, oregano and/or parsley. Really, anything goes)
Cheese (Monterey jack or shredded Mexican mix)

Everything goes in the crockpot, except the cheese. Cook on low 4-6 hours. Shred the chicken (it will totally fall apart) and add cheese about 15 minutes before serving. Serve with fresh diced avocado, sour cream, chips and cilantro.

Easy to double as well.

Enjoy! Have a good day, everyone.

Gratitude

Gratitude. Do you feel gratitude? Do you practice gratitude? I have been thinking about this concept a great deal lately. Sometimes you can get so bogged down in everyday living and everyday problems that you forget to practice gratitude. Being grateful not just for the world around you, your family, or your ability to live in a beautiful house, drive nice cars, send your kids to great schools. Grateful for moments that make you appreciate the present, in your core. The kind of gratitude that comes to you when you get out of your mind for a moment.

Today I was at the Y, walking the track. I had dropped Chappy off at the groomer and he was so excited to be let in that when they opened the door, he literally ran in. I was so excited for him that he would have a day of fun playing with his furry friends. Anyway, I was walking at the track listening to Matty in the Morning on my phone and found myself hysterical laughing at what I was hearing. There is so much going on in the world. So much going on with me, around me with family and friends. But in that very moment, I was just listening to the radio and getting some exercise. And I was able to be completely focused on that for 30 minutes. A gift.

I have been trying to talk to my kids about compassion. Wow. That is a hard concept, especially for teenagers. I have mentioned that every morning (well, most mornings) on the way to school before drop off, we say the Be's. Be a leader, Be a learner, Be a friend, Be kind, Be your best self. We have added a couple more lately. Stay out of drama, show respect and show compassion.

Naturally, kids focus on themselves and their own experiences and it is very hard for them to understand that others around them might be having a hard time and that they may need kindness. Kids are not cued in to fully appreciate that others may be acting a certain way towards them because of the stuff those kids are going through/dealing with. As a kid I always assumed I was doing something wrong or they were reacting to something I had done and it made me very self conscious and sensitive, like I wasn't enough. It didn't occur to me that the other party might have their own baggage. In the end, we are all kids just trying to find our way in the world, figuring it out. Growing up is hard and sometimes, kids just need kindness and compassion (along with structure, laughter and respect). Funny, this kinda goes for adults too.

Put on The World At Large by Modest Mouse and get cooking!

So I know I have a lot of pasta sauce and marinara recipes on the blog but I just tried one last night that I thought I would add. I had seen it on Smittenkitchen.org and wanted to give it a shot because it reminded me of one that my Auntie Sue had given me a long, long time ago. I may have mentioned it before but it was one I made all the time because it was so darn easy. For some reason it got out of rotation and I can't find the recipe anymore, though it is so easy I think I know it off the top of my head.

Sosie has mentioned that she doesn't love jarred sauce right now but does like homemade sauce. I was going to do a make your own pasta with letting the kids choose between pesto, butter/olive oil/parm, and jarred marinara but thought I would look again at how hard this recipe was and simplify things. Thursday nights sometimes are my easy nights.

Anyway, I found it and here it is. I would change a couple of things I think and I will add my suggestions below. I used leftover pasta from two boxes (less than a pound of pasta was used) and I was kinda low on veggies so I had cut peppers as a side. Not my best work but sometimes good enough is just right. The kids LOVED this dish. Lots of compliments and "dibs on leftovers". Sometimes simple is just right.

Tomato Sauce with Butter and Onions - Smitten Kitchen
28 oz whole peeled tomatoes from a can (San Marzano, if you can find them) (I used diced because that is what I had and I think that worked out really well actually. This makes enough to lightly coat the pasta but if you like a lot of sauce, double recipe)
5T unsalted butter (I used 4 but it doesn't matter)
1 medium-sized yellow onion, peeled and halved
salt to taste (I didn't add salt)

Put the tomatoes, onion and butter in a heavy saucepan (it fit just right in a 3-quart) over medium heat.  Bring the sauce to a simmer then lower the heat to keep the sauce at a slow, steady simmer for about 45 minutes, or until droplets of fat float free of the tomatoes (this didn't happen for me). Stir occasionally, crushing the tomatoes against the pot with a wooden spoon (I didn't do this because I used diced). Remove from heat, discard the onion, add salt to taste and keep warm while you prepare your pasta.  She says to serve with spaghetti, with or without grated parmesan cheese to pass. (We always use cheese!!)

I will say the flavor of the stewed onion added a lot to the sauce. The other recipe I had used was to sauté onion in olive oil and then add whole tomatoes (hand crushed in a bowl), simmer for 20 minutes and add 2T of butter at the end. I think both ways are good, depending on whether you want to have sautéed onion in the sauce or just the gentle flavor from cooking it. Either way, 3 ingredients and you are done....

Enjoy and have a happy Friday, everyone!!!

January 16, 2015 - How about that?

This is my spot. This is the spot in the house where I do paperwork and where I write my blog.  This is my view. Right now it is gray outside.  The sun is supposed to peek out this morning. I am waiting to go for my morning walk with Chappy until I see a bit of sun.

Right now, that is not too promising....

Anyway....
back to winter.....The sun is peeking out in this picture so that will have to do for now (thank you, Erica).

I have heard two phrases lately that have really stuck with me. I like both for very different reasons.

1. It takes 21 days to form a habit. That can pertain to anything. For me, I am working very hard at not touching my phone, including dialing a number, while driving. The phone is down. If the car is not in park, I don't use it. That is admittedly a very hard thing to do. I have gotten considerably better over the years but I still needed change. If everyone is honest with themselves, it is hard for all of you too....But I am working on it and I am doing fairly well. After awhile, you don't even think to use it or it is easier to say - it can wait.

It can be 21 days of exercising - I am trying to get back into that too. I have been to 3 classes at the Y this week and I have been still walking Chappy. 21 days.

It can be 21 days of anything. Cooking meals at home. Buying healthier veggies and fruit. Reading a book. Of course these can be bad habits but I choose to think of this as a very positive statement. What habit will you start creating today?

2. A very wise man told me this week that I am not my mind. I have thought a lot about this. No pun intended. "I am not my mind" is a very powerful statement. The brain is so full of static, really, all the time. You can get so caught up in thoughts that it can make you feel as gray as the sky is today. During the day, I want to find a way to empty the mind, create space so that I can find myself a bit. Kinda like what this blog is about (partly, anyway) but taking a step further. Finding a way to be my true self, which is in the moment right now - where there is no past, no future and no baggage. No thoughts. No worries. Just peace. Even for a moment. I am not my mind. Thank you, Jeff Boodman, for the Spirit Tree.

Now, put on Runaway Baby by Bruno Mars - Doo-Wops & Hooligans and get cooking!!

Felicia Mathias told me about a recipe she made recently and being a complete lover of all foods Italian, I had to try it. I really loved it as did Kelley and Sosie. Sage is going through an odd phase, which is very unlike her. It is from Bon Appetit in August 2002. I halved the recipe and still had 2 nights of dinner for the 4 of us. I also served with roasted broccoli and cauliflower (olive oil, s&P, 375 degrees for 20 min or so).  This definitely took a little more time so do on a night when you are not rushing kids out to sports. Last night I made a simple dinner that was on the table in 20-30 minutes. This is not that meal but you can make it a little faster than the recipe states....

Pasta with Sausage, Tomatoes, and Mushrooms, Bon Appetit, August 2002
2 1/2 lbs Italian sweet sausages, casings removed, crumbled (the meat dept will remove casings)
3T olive oil
1 1/2 lbs mushrooms, thickly sliced (I used less)
3 cups chopped onions (I used slightly less)
1/4 cup chopped fresh oregano
6 large garlic cloves, chopped (I used slightly less and minced)
1 cup dry white wine
5 cups canned crushed tomatoes with added puree
2 cups diced tomatoes (about 4 medium-large tomatoes) (I used 2 plums, remember I halved recipe)
2T (1/4 stick butter)
1 1/4 lbs pappardelle or mafaldine pasta (or any wide, flat noodle) (I used tagliatelle bc that's what I had)
1 1/2 cups grated pecorino Romano cheese (about 4 1/2 oz) (I used full amount cheese, even though I halved the recipe!)

Sauté sausage in heavy pot over medium-high heat until brown, about 12 minutes.  Using slotted spoon, transfer sausage to large bowl.

Add oil to drippings in pot. Add mushrooms and onions; sauté until tender and brown, about 15 minutes. Stir in 1 cup chopped basil, oregano, and garlic; sauté 1 minute.

Add wine; cook until almost absorbed, about 4 minutes. Add sausage and crushed tomatoes; cover and simmer over medium heat until thickened, about 25 minutes. Add diced tomatoes and butter; simmer until tomatoes are soft, stirring frequently, about 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cool slightly. Chill uncovered until cold, then cover and refrigerate. Bring to a simmer before continuing.)

Cook pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite, stirring occasionally. Drain well; return to pot. Pour sauce over pasta; toss to coat. Add 1/2 cup cheese and 1/2 cup basil; toss to combine. Season with salt and pepper (I didn't add salt). Transfer pasta to serving dish. Serve passing remaining cheese separately.

Yum!! Enjoy and have a very happy day! It is still gray but I am walking anyway. Embrace the gray!!

Happy 2015!

Winter. It is officially winter. It may not look like this in Augusta (Thank you, Kathy!!) but for the first time in what seems like weeks, the sun is shining. The sun shining affects my mood so dramatically. I know I have said this before but there is something about the sun that heals the spirit. I went for a walk today and just stood and stared for 30 seconds at the blue, blue sky and the green trees. The color fueled me up. A simple moment.

I miss the snow and the crackling of it under my boots. Recently, I saw a picture of dear old Colgate on Facebook after a snow storm.

And this picture from my high school friend, Jonathan, in Vermont.

They are such pretty images that instill thoughts of hot fires, chili, football on the TV and being hunkered inside a warm house.

All this is not to say that I mind being down south where the sun shines a little more and the temperatures are a little warmer but I do miss winter sometimes.

The holidays are over. That makes me a little sad. I spent so much time decorating and shopping and anticipating that there is a little let down when it is all over. One thing I learned here in Augusta - decorations go up the day after Thanksgiving and are down no later than January 3! It makes the end of the season such a drastic change for me.

Some of the simple moments for me this vacation. Picking Chappy up after his 6 day stay at the kennel. Christmas morning unwrapping of presents. Opening a very special present from my mother in law. Being with family in MA on Christmas night amidst laughter and delicious food. Hot Yoga with Kelley on December 27. Dinner at Abel Brown in Augusta with dear friends. Coming home from that dinner to kids (and friends) playing a board game, Monopoly. Listening to Serial with Kelley. Watching The Wire with Jim and Kathleen. Midnight striking with family to the ball drop in NYC, Acorn drop in Raleigh and fireworks displaying outside my cousins' windows. Seeing 3 movies in 2 days: Unbroken, Into the Wild and Annie. Hiking in the teeming rain with Kelley and Chappy. What are yours?

Now, put on Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson, featuring Bruno Mars and get cooking!

I love when people give me recipes they have tried that they liked. My sister in law told me about the Winter Minestrone from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof cookbook. I have cooked a lot from that book and like all the other recipes, this one was excellent. I did see a recipe from Smitten Kitchen for Chicken Noodle Soup that is definitely in my near future, especially since our household seems to be getting the flu, one by one. This recipe was not very difficult and I found that it made a ton, so good for leftovers or for freezing. What makes this one different than others is the butternut squash, the pancetta and the pesto. yum.....She says to make with garlic bruschetta which I did not make.

Winter Minestrone, Ina Garten
Good olive oil
4 oz pancetta, 1/2 inch diced (you can purchase this already diced)
1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onion (I halved this)
2 cups (1/2-inch) diced carrots (3 carrots) (I used 4)
2 cups (1/2-inch) diced celery (3 stalks) (I used 4)
2 1/2 cups (1/2-inch) diced peeled butternut squash (I bought already diced)
1 1/2T minced garlic (4 cloves) (I halved this)
2 tsp chopped fresh thyme leaves (I used a little more)
26 oz canned or boxed chopped tomatoes, such as Pomi
6-8 cups chicken stock
1 bay leaf (I used 3 fresh)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 (15-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
2 cups cooked small pasta, such as tubetti
8 to 10 oz fresh baby spinach leaves (I used a mix of baby spinach and kale and used slightly less)
1/2 cup good dry white wine
2T store-bought pesto
Freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Heat 2T olive oil over medium heat in a large, heavy pot or Dutch oven. Add the pancetta and cook over medium-low heat for 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned. Add the onions, carrots, celery, squash, garlic, and thyme and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, for 8 to 10 minutes, until the vegetables begin to soften.

Add the tomatoes, 6 cups of the chicken stock, the bay leaf, 1T salt (I omitted), and 1 1/2 tsp pepper to the pot. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer uncovered for 30 minutes, until the vegetables are tender.

 



Discard the bay leaf. Add the beans and cooked pasta and heat through. The soup should be quite thick but if it is too thick, add more chicken stock.  Just before serving, reheat the soup, add the spinach, and toss with 2 big spoons (like tossing a salad). Cook just until the leaves are wilted. Stir in the white wine and pesto.

Depending on the saltiness of the chicken stock, add another teaspoon or two of salt to taste (Again, I omitted). Serve large shallow bowls of soup with a bruschetta on top. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese, drizzle with olive oil, and serve hot.

Enjoy and have a happy day, everyone!!