Finding the heartbeat

 

Good morning! Chilly walk but warming up to the 60s. That time of year when it is brisk upon waking but if the wind is light, you can get a blanket and sit outside in the sun to read a book in the afternoons. Simple moments. 

The fresh air feels amazing. Exercise helps me handle excess nervous energy, channeling in the same manner that writing does in some ways. Different outlets but both...outlets. 

This week I have been thinking more about connection and community.  Imagine the earth as a whole. Then zoom in closer and closer until you see your home and the closest neighborhood around you. Think Google Earth. 

I have always craved the idea of the perfect neighborhood. Living in Needham was the closest I had to that ideal. I have always loved the idea of living close to my neighbors, walking distance to everything, part of it all but with a private space to escape to when I seek space. I have always loved the idea of a commune probably for the same reason. I am someone who needs to be around familiar places where I can feel grounded. For me that means having local restaurants that become part of my routine, working out in a place where I recognize people around me, or finding the perfect general store. 

I think about New York City. I have always loved the heartbeat and the energy I feel the minute my feet hit the sidewalk. 5 boroughs, 319 square miles. Millions of people. 

Break it down further. Take Manhattan. 13.4 miles by 2.3 miles filled with distinct neighborhoods seen in the map below. These communities have their own cultures and you can walk from one to the other within minutes to get a real feel of each. A true slice of the world.

Of course over time, these neighborhoods morph and change. Sadly, gentrification has blended some of the edges and has chipped away the uniqueness of culture but you can say that about many places around the world. Having said that, how amazing is it to stand in one city and experience the sensory overload that occurs here. I imagine standing on the street staring up at the sky. The city moving around me. New York City is one place where I feel alive. I am merely one of millions and yet one of the things I love most is that it is a place I can bring this massive place down to a manageable slice. Best of both worlds - large urban environment broken down into neighborhoods. Blocks that you can learn every inch of over time. Community. Connection. 

When I think of travelling, I think of being in a place long enough to establish a routine. Even during a brief stay you can establish some sort of routine. Opening the mind to learn the feel of a place. Getting to know the people who live there. Familiarizing myself with neighborhoods, local stores and restaurants. Finding the heartbeat.

Song to put on: Heat Waves by Glass Animals

Book to read: Columbine by Dave Cullen

Recipe to make: My friend, Mary Anne McCollum, made this recently and loved it. It is on my list for this week. I have been into bowls lately and this is a fantastic recipe for one. 

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love. 

Four moments

 -photography by Gayle Oshrin

Four moments. 

It is any day in January. I am scrolling on Facebook and come across this photograph my old roommate posts. She lives in Greenwich Village and simply put, she is a talented photographer. Always has been. She is an attorney by trade but boy, I wait for her posts because they are always amazing. I have always loved photography as a medium. My house certainly has its fair share of it. I think I like it because it grounds me. Anyway, this piece really speaks to me. It reminds me of the old movie, Rear Window, that I absolutely love and have watched countless times. I reply to her post of this photograph, "very Rear Window". She responds..."or in this case, my front window". I mention that I neeeeeeeeedddd this and she responds asking for my address. New York City is a very special place to me and a place I don't spend enough time exploring but I am truly happy every time I do. I reach out on Messenger and we catch up a bit. It is so great to "talk" to her after so many years. Connection. Truly, the best (only?- another discussion for another day) part of social media (aside from Facebook Birthdays!). I give her my address and move forward with my day. Maybe a week later, I receive a package. The fact that she took the time to do this means a lot-more than she realizes, likely. 

Yesterday. I am at the Y. I am walking the track. In my own world. Listening to music. Greeting some new friends but living happily in my own head, enjoying the me time. I get hot so I take off my sweatshirt and out of my ear comes an air pod. I don't see it drop. I mildly panic. Where did it go? Did it fall to the gym floor below where people are playing pickleball. Is it somehow stuck in my clothing, even though I have patted myself down multiple times. Is it on the track around me? I am feeling stuck. Then, one person stops and asks if I lost something. They help and then say they will keep an eye out. Then, another does the same thing. Then, another. The fact that I am standing there, feeling a bit foolish, a bit panicked that I might have lost something, and people around me are willing to stop and ask. Multiple people. When I shake my sweatshirt really hard once again, it falls. Ahhhhhh. Relief. Deep breath. I start walking the hamster track again and I am surprised by how many people stop to ask if I found my ear bud. Connection. Community. 

This morning. I am still waking up and feeling a little out of sorts. I am opening up to Kelley and sharing the many mind zaps that are occurring for me this morning. He and I are talking and Chappy (that would be our dog) is standing between us staring at the both of us. His eyes go back and forth. Clearly, he is zeroed into me. We finish our conversation and Kelley starts to go downstairs. Chappy keeps looking back at me, making sure that I am following. I am not ready for the day and I do not follow. Chappy, very quietly, comes back and lies down with watchful eyes. He follows me around the house, never straying far. Connection in the smallest ways. Unspoken. Unconditional. Love.

This afternoon at 3:15 p.m. Sage comes home from school and has a quick turnaround because there is a game tonight. She needs dinner early. When I say early, I mean like 4 p.m. early. I am starting a new position on Monday and only have a few days left when I can make my daughter dinner at 4 p.m. I jump up and think what can I make quickly? Frozen pizza. (Home Run frozen pizza to be exact - I mean who doesn't like frozen pizza?) I need veggies. I love vegetables. I am kinda obsessed with them actually. Maybe that's silly but whatever. 

So, what do I do? I put on some music. Let's talk about the music actually. I really enjoy listening to albums beginning to end from time to time. I watched Euphoria a couple of weeks ago and was reminded of INXS Kick. So, that was what I put on Sonos.  I light my candle and pour some wine. I steam some spinach, roast some zucchini, pepper and cherry tomatoes, open up a nice bottle of red and throw the pizza and vegetables in the oven. And.......after that is done, I sit down to write to you. 

Song to listen to: Song for the Waiting by Aron Wright
Book to read: The Love Songs of W.E.B. Dubois

Recipe to make: Made up Asian fusion bowl. Yes, you read correctly. A new quick food place opened up near us (very yummy). I kept ordering the same thing so I decided to figure out how I would make it at home. Most of my meals are fast these days. I definitely used shortcuts. You do not need to but I did and I have varied this meal multiple times. 

Get a big bowl. Sauté some zucchini (or roast) in olive oil with a little garlic. Put in the bowl. Slice some carrots and put apple cider vinegar in them to coat. After 15 minutes, add to bowl. Steam some broccoli (Or cook with the zucchini) and place in bowl. Cook some quinoa (or rice or combination) and surprise, put in bowl. Add kimchi (you can buy at most stores now). Add some spinach or power green mixture. Sprinkle some peanuts in there. Add cilantro and scallions. Drizzle soy sauce or some sort of sesame, soy, ginger mixture. Stir well so that the warm veggies help cook the greens. Yummmmmmmm

Enjoy!

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Love and peace.

Who are your people?

 

"Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much"

- Helen Keller

"The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members" - Coretta Scott King

"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together"

- African Proverb

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about community. I think my happiest times in life have been when I have felt truly part of a community. Part of something bigger than myself. It is more than feeling included in a group. Everyone wants to feel included - but it is larger than that. It is being an active member of a community. A give and take. 

People search for community in many different ways. It could be your neighborhood, work, workout group, sports team, a gym, book group, school, friend group, church. The list goes on and on. Some people have multiple communities and sometimes they overlap and sometimes they are completely separate from one another. Usually, there is a common thread that connects everyone together. It ties people together and yet there is space for individuality as well. 

When we moved to Georgia, we left a very meaningful community. I miss that community to this day.  Family and friends who were like family. Neighbors with which I laughed, cried, drank, cooked. People I called when we were moving and I spilled blue nail polish on the brand new carpet and needed to clean quickly but we only had a few hours to move our belongings next door. An SOS call (which was not easy for me to do - reach out) and people came running to help us. We would do the same in a heartbeat.  

One of the first communities I found in Augusta was at the Wilson Family Y. I had time on my hands because I was not working for the first time in my life. I began as an observer. I would work out and just watch around me. I witnessed camaraderie and support. Just being surrounded by that gave me a warm feeling. Slowly, I began to form attachments. We moved to Evans after a couple of years and my new gym was not the same. Maybe it was a nicer facility but the vibe was definitely not the same. When we moved back to Augusta, we re-joined the Y but I didn't go regularly. Finally, this past January, I started to attend again and those familiar feelings came rushing back. Seeing a truly diverse group of people all in that one building, supporting each other, caring about each other, with the common goal of health. Diverse by race, age, financial stability, gender, etc. A community. It is incredibly refreshing and a part of my day that I look forward to every single day. 

I can walk the track and talk to my new friend who is 65 and comes to the gym every day for hours. Turns out she lived in New Jersey and we have a lot of similarities in background even though we are naturally different in other ways. She laps me on that track every day and wears the best, most coordinated outfits. Some of her closest friends are from the Y now. 

I can go to a class and see my first and dear friend in Augusta who takes multiple classes a week (and sometimes a day!). She inspires me every day with her strength and commitment. She inspires me with her connections to that community.  

Again, on the track, I can see the gym floor below and watch a group of men playing basketball before work or see two guys working together to improve their game. Later, pickleball courts are set up and many players spend their morning competing in a collegial way. 

At a class, I can follow a teacher whose genuine primary goal is to encourage and support their participants to try their hardest to achieve the results they want. 

It can be a quick word of encouragement to each other, a friendly hello or a shared smile, but it is understood and recognized that we are all in this together. We all brought but also left our different homes, backgrounds, cultures and world to be together as a community. What a concept in this crazy world! 

As I go back to work soon, I am scared. Excited and scared. I am scared to begin again. I am scared because I am all in and want to have a positive impact on my new organization. I am also scared of losing something that has been healing for me in so many ways at the Y. So, what do I do with this? 

I recognize those feelings because they are okay to have. I never feel just one emotion, right? I feel tons of emotions in an instant and it is okay to feel them all. There is no need to feel badly about having those feelings. That is simply a layer I don't need to have. I recognize them for what they are and feel compassion for those parts of me that feel that way. 

I am reminded by the best monologue I have read in a novel and seen performed by Michael Stuhlbarg in Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman.

Specifically, these lines strike me -

"You had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, to pray that their sons land on their feet. But I am not such a parent. In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out. Don’t be brutal with it. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything ― what a waste!"

and

"Right now there's sorrow. Pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt"

So, I figure out how to keep my community and the parts of me that are healing through that community and I get excited for all that lies ahead, recognizing that while change can be hard, it can be liberating as well. 

Song to listen to: Sunshine by OneRepublic (you can't help but smile)

Book to read: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Recipe to make: Colleen's Chili 

Yes, I am back on my soup and chili kick. My friend, Colleen, is a great cook. She would never admit to that but I have been fortunate to eat her meals multiple times and every single one has been excellent. She is a beautiful, humble, intelligent and generous person and the night she made this for us recently, the whole damn thing hit the spot. It was a simple moment for me and I keep going back to it in my mind. 

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Love and peace.