Me.
September.
Fall.
Summer begins to close as trees start to signal a shift and the air I breathe begins to have a crispness in smell and feel.
The familiarity of the season begins even as the temperatures stay warm.
Summer tries to remain even as the lighting and the sky shift ever so slightly.
Time moves forward but soon will step back. Darkness arrives as a blanket, comforting me into autumn.
Transition. Shift. Change.
Appreciate. Love. Learn. Apply.
I went to the beach for the day this past weekend. The beach has always been a special place for me. The memories of going to different beaches span my entire life. It is a constant. It is a reminder that the world is vast, the tides will continue and the waves will come to shore long after I am gone.
Writing in this way has been meaningful in ways that I don't think I can even put into words though meraki comes close.
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Writing helps me process. It allows me the freedom to feel as I do, not as I should. It is an outlet for the energy that feels trapped and unexpressed. It provides a creative escape for a piece of myself that does not feel comfortable in my space, my skin. It has allowed me to dream a bit and expand what may be and what is, instead of being constrained. I am not a trained writer but I do write from my heart.
Some people have wondered why I put myself out there, why I allow my vulnerability to be on display. Some people have felt it is too self-focused while others call it helpful and are grateful to know they are not alone. I have heard both positive and negative reactions to this blog from many people and I have always appreciated the discourse.
My posts are but a moment in time and written to show another, maybe more honest side. I write to show that it is okay not to be happy all the time. Wearing my heart on my sleeve shows that sometimes thinking about hard things is a sign of strength, not weakness. I share the lonely parts to let people know that it is okay to feel. To let myself know that it is okay. To remind myself that I am okay.
Social media has changed our world, and continues to change it, in so many different ways. It divides, it unites, it isolates, it connects, it bullies and it provides a voice. There is obviously significant research and there are many arguments about how it affects our psyche and the way we view and treat each other. To me, the world feels more cruel. Maybe we just know more, too much, about each other. The ways we treat each other passive aggressively instead of with compassionate intention. I read what people feel comfortable writing because they never have to say it to someone's face and am blown away by what I see at times.
Social media can also create a false sense of accessibility and I have most definitely fallen into that trap on more than one occasion. For someone like me who thrives on connection, I have reached out in ways I am not proud of and have done so knowing that I will certainly be rejected, maybe feeling in a way that I deserve to be rejected.
Appreciate. Learn. Love. Apply.
We adapt. We grow with change and transition. Experiences build upon each other and provide us with strength. They fill us up. They inspire and they provide hope.
So, go out there and feel today. Feel it all. The highs and the lows. Allow the tears but don't forget to laugh along the way, and laugh hard. A real belly laugh. Hold onto something hard when you need to feel grounded and take a minute to look at our beautiful sky. Dance alone. Dance with other people. Really feel the music. Find art in the every day. Make a beautiful and colorful meal (click here for meal index). Be spontaneous. Figure out something you can do to make the world better, brighter, kinder and realize that we all play a part. Find compassion for yourself and others. Find empathy for yourself and others. Create a safe space for someone to be themselves while creating a safe space for you to be yourself. Be inclusive and collaborative. Celebrate differences and seek similarities. We are here together as ourselves once and we need to make it count. Connect to yourself so that you can connect more deeply with others. Just be.
As always, here is some music. Music saves me. I feel its absence when I don't listen and it adds to my world. Every. Single. Day.
Current Playlist - best played in the morning
What They'll Say About Us - Finneas
Red Eye (feat. Haim) - Kid Cudi
Homecoming (feat. Chris Martin) - Ye
Dark Red - Steve Lacy
Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish
Lovin' Me (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) - Kid Cudi
Funeral - Phoebe Bridgers
More Than Life - Whitley
Preoccupied - Tarune
Song for the Waiting - Aron Wright
Rise - Eddie Vedder
Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens
Naked - Finneas
Underwater - Rufus Du Sol
Many Times - Dijon
I Come Apart (feat. Florence Welch) - A$AP Rocky
Guillotine (feat. Travis Medes) - Jon Bellion
Comin Out Strong (feat. The Weekend) - Future
White Ferrari - Frank Ocean
love. - Kid Cudi
Oh, Me (Live Acoustic) - Nirvana
Rich Man - Vampire Weekend
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
N95 - Kendrick Lamar
The Motto - Tiesto & Ava Max
Take Me - Rufus Du Sol
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.
Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love always.
