Lessons From Art-Venice Film Festival

 

Today is the last day of August. 

I have been writing more which is always a sign that I am working through something. I have been feeling more untethered. In my head. Distracted. Frenetic even. Drawn to dark shows and films. Not looking towards the sun but sitting quietly in the shade of the gray. A light shade of gray, but still gray.

Those who know me know that I am all about connection. I write about it a lot. Being isolated this past week when I had Covid brought me inwards. This by itself isn't necessarily a bad thing. I actually like spending time by myself. I am pretty independent and while I crave connection, I also crave time alone too. Then why do I feel so unsettled? I should be able to be alone and comfortable, connected. Not on the gently shaky ground that I am on. Why is that? 

Then someone said something that made me pause.

Appreciate, love, learn and apply

Me.

Where there is fear there is lack of love. 

This too made me think. And it’s true. I have been scared lately. Scared out of my mind. 

At the moment, I am missing the most basic but also the most important connection. The one to myself. 

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I have known this. This isn't (or shouldn’t be) a lightbulb moment since this notion has been floating in my head for a bit. Now, though, it is real, palpable. House is empty. Quiet. Candle burns slowly each day. Time to seek, find, be, well...me.

We all struggle with self-love and self-acceptance at some point and for some of us at different times of our lives. I am incredibly difficult on myself. I don't appreciate my greatness as I should at times but I also think I am a pretty cool person. I am who I am because of all of my experiences. Life is bumpy but that makes the adventure all the more worth living. I truly feel this.

I have said before that I am creative without a specified art. I find art in the every day and I have always sought outlets to express myself. I am also a huge fan of artists (all forms of art really) because of their ability to be so open and visual with their vulnerability. Their ability to be connected to themselves and to those around them. To see their vision become tangible, authentic and real. I appreciate people who are genuine and grounded in their ability to express themselves creatively and in an intelligent and self-reflecting way.

I have always wanted to act but never found the courage to do it professionally, even applying and getting into acting school in my 20s but then never going. I regret not chasing that dream. So, I watch a lot of movies. I watch shows. I read voraciously and I watch interviews. I study art, then, in an indirect way. I am a fan but I am more than a fan too.

The Venice Film Festival is this week. Many films are in competition and it is such a dreamlike setting for this event to take place. It would be a dream for me to be there to experience it one day. One film in competition is Bones and All which is based on a young adult book by Camille DeAngelis. The film is directed by one of my very favorite directors - Luca Guadagnino. 

I read a lot, including young adult novels. It keeps me aware of what life must be like for those growing up in the world right now. I enjoyed this book and read it twice to fully appreciate the complexity, as well as to determine how it could be made into a film. I read the book knowing it was going to become cinematic. I am happy to hear about some of the changes between the two mediums. It is difficult subject matter because of its dark elements. The story has stayed with me because of that darkness and because it’s so much more than the darkness. The darkness of course is a metaphor. 

In my opinion from what I know of both the book and film, this story is about love, acceptance and connection. The human experience really. Feeling like an outsider is scary and lonely. We have all been there at some point, haven’t we? We have all felt uncomfortable in our own skin and we have all felt alone too, if we are honest with ourselves.  

Maren and Lee are able to find self-love and self-acceptance which allows them to be comfortable enough to share and even love the most ashamed and lonely parts of themselves. 

Self-love and self-acceptance which leads to feeling more whole, more open to love and more connected to others and to the world. 

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There is going to be a test screening for Bones and All in September. I think they are still working on the messaging of this film maybe. I really, really wish I could go. I am so excited and anxious to see how this book is translated into film. One of the reasons why I love Luca Guadagnino so, so much is because he pushes his actors to show real emotion and raw vulnerability. In turn, real art. The setting also becomes a character in his films. I’m not sure this film could be made without him. It is a dream team, really. Team being the integral word. I believe everyone associated with this film brings true authenticity, love and care  and I hope that the audiences are able to see the beautiful messages that are there waiting to be seen through these characters. I just have a feeling this is going to be really special while at times gruesome film. 

"Never feeling loved for everything that makes you yourself is the loneliest feeling in the world. This is the Maren I tried to make felt in #bonesandall" - Taylor Russell

Appreciate, love, learn and apply

Please Note: Going through times like these makes me appreciate the sun, appreciate the world that’s so much larger than me and it makes me appreciate the process,  I’m not sad. I’m growing. And that is a beautiful thing. 

As Walt Whitman said, "Keep your face always towards the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you"

Time to listen to Next to Me by Rufus du Sol and take a deep breath. Savor THIS moment. Breathe it all in. Reach every cell of your body. Breathe in and out space. Breathe in and out love for yourself. Breathe in and out love for others. Connect in then allow yourself to connect out.  And enjoy this very moment.  Bones and All.

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love always. 

Amy