hiatus - post 155/155

 

It is time for a break. A hiatus. Maybe it is the end of this chapter. Maybe it is just an intermission. All I know is that it is time. An ending is also a beginning. 

Many times a week I listen to an album front to back. The Submarine by Whitley. For me it started with finding a song. One song. When I realized how this one tune fit into the greater album it hit me hard. The sound. The vibe. The voices. Acoustic. The lyrics. The flow of one song into another. Something about it speaks to me on a level that I am not sure I can even fully comprehend. I just know I need to listen to it. On repeat. Complete as a whole. Better as an album instead of one song. 

I remember when and why I ended my blog the last time. September. Fall. Here I am again. I am using a lot of what I wrote then but with a newer perspective, a year older. Still though, fall. 

Autumn transitions. Darkness covers me like a blanket. Leaves fall onto the ground. I crawl back into myself. 

Transition. Shift. Change.  

Writing in this way has been meaningful in ways that I don't think I will ever be able to fully put into words. Writing helps me process. It allows me the freedom to feel as I do, not as I should. It is an outlet for the energy that feels trapped and unexpressed. It provides a creative escape for a piece of myself that does not feel comfortable in my space, my skin. It has allowed me to dream a bit and expand what may be and what is, instead of being constrained. 

Many people have wondered why I put myself out there, why I allow my vulnerability to be on display. Many have questioned why I write things that I am unable to say out loud. Some people have felt it is too self-focused while others call it helpful and are grateful to know they are not alone. I have heard both positive and negative reactions to this blog from many people. I have always appreciated and welcomed the discourse. 

My posts are but a moment in time and written to show another, maybe a more honest side to what is constantly on display on social media. I write to show that it is okay not to be happy all the time. To show that life is hard. And in life's struggles there is beauty. Wearing my heart on my sleeve shows that thinking about hard things is a sign of strength, not weakness. I share the lonely parts to let people know that it is okay to feel. To let myself know that it is okay. To remind myself that I am okay. 

Cory Muscara says, "If you stay present, and continue to listen for, and surrender to, the deepest knowing you can access, there's no way you can do this life wrong".

Man, I find it so difficult to be present sometimes. To find, experience, appreciate the simple moments. That is part of my never-ending journey. 

Appreciate. Learn. Love. Apply. 

We adapt. We grow with change and transition. Experiences build upon each other and provide us with strength. They fill us up. They inspire and they provide hope. They help us learn about ourselves. They help us grow.

We all struggle with self-love and self-acceptance at some point and for some of us at different times of our lives. I am incredibly hard on myself. I don't appreciate my greatness as I should at times but I also think I am a pretty cool person. I am who I am because of all of my experiences. Life is bumpy but that makes the adventure all the more worth living. I truly feel this.

Appreciate. Love. Learn. Apply

So, go out there and feel today. Feel it all. The highs and the lows. Allow the tears but don't forget to laugh along the way, and laugh hard. A real belly laugh. Hold onto something hard when you need to feel grounded and take a minute to look at our beautiful sky. Dance alone. Dance with other people. Really feel the music. Find art in the every day. Make a beautiful and colorful meal  Be spontaneous. Figure out something you can do to make the world better, brighter, kinder and realize that we all play a part. Find compassion for yourself and others. Find empathy for yourself and others. Create a safe space for someone to be themselves while creating a safe space for you to be yourself. Be inclusive and collaborative. Celebrate differences and seek similarities. We are here together as ourselves once and we need to make it count. Connect to yourself so that you can connect more deeply with others. Just be. 

Listen to music. Music saves me in a similar way that film does. I feel its absence when I don't listen and it adds to my world. Every. Single. Day. 

The Submarine by Whitley (Apple Music)

The Submarine by Whitley (Spotify)

Let's get cooking!

Thai Beef with Chiles over Coconut Rice  - Everyday Food (a million years ago)
1 1/4 cups jasmine rice (I use brown jasmine rice if I can find it)
1 can coconut milk (I use light)
coarse salt
2 TBSP plus 1 tsp fish sauce (I tend to use 3 TBSP)
2 TBSP plus 1 tsp soy sauce (I tend to use 3 TBSP)
1 tsp sugar
1 TBSP vegetable oil (or canola)
3 garlic cloves, chopped (I mince)
3 long hot peppers, seeded and sliced into 2-inch matchsticks (I tend to use mini sweet peppers and then you can use a little poblano or another kind with many seeds taken out)
1 1/4 pounds ground beef sirloin
1 cup loosely packed torn basil leaves
lime wedges, for serving (I tend to just squeeze juice of a lime into the pan before serving)

In a medium saucepan, combine rice, coconut milk, 3/4 cup water, and 1/2 tsp salt (I omit). Cover and bring to a boil; reduce to a simmer, cover and cook until rice is tender and liquid has been absorbed, about 25 minutes.

When rice is almost done, combine fish sauce, soy sauce and sugar in a small bowl; set aside.  Heat a cast-iron skillet or wok over high (I just use my all purpose pan). Add oil and heat; add garlic and half the peppers. Cook, stirring constantly, 15 seconds (I do more). Add beef and cook, breaking up meat with a wooden spoon, until completely browned, about 4 minutes.  Add soy mixture and cook 30 seconds. Add basil and remaining peppers, and stir to combine.  Serve beef over coconut rice with lime wedges.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading. Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love always. 

-Amy