Who are your people?

 

"Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much"

- Helen Keller

"The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members" - Coretta Scott King

"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together"

- African Proverb

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about community. I think my happiest times in life have been when I have felt truly part of a community. Part of something bigger than myself. It is more than feeling included in a group. Everyone wants to feel included - but it is larger than that. It is being an active member of a community. A give and take. 

People search for community in many different ways. It could be your neighborhood, work, workout group, sports team, a gym, book group, school, friend group, church. The list goes on and on. Some people have multiple communities and sometimes they overlap and sometimes they are completely separate from one another. Usually, there is a common thread that connects everyone together. It ties people together and yet there is space for individuality as well. 

When we moved to Georgia, we left a very meaningful community. I miss that community to this day.  Family and friends who were like family. Neighbors with which I laughed, cried, drank, cooked. People I called when we were moving and I spilled blue nail polish on the brand new carpet and needed to clean quickly but we only had a few hours to move our belongings next door. An SOS call (which was not easy for me to do - reach out) and people came running to help us. We would do the same in a heartbeat.  

One of the first communities I found in Augusta was at the Wilson Family Y. I had time on my hands because I was not working for the first time in my life. I began as an observer. I would work out and just watch around me. I witnessed camaraderie and support. Just being surrounded by that gave me a warm feeling. Slowly, I began to form attachments. We moved to Evans after a couple of years and my new gym was not the same. Maybe it was a nicer facility but the vibe was definitely not the same. When we moved back to Augusta, we re-joined the Y but I didn't go regularly. Finally, this past January, I started to attend again and those familiar feelings came rushing back. Seeing a truly diverse group of people all in that one building, supporting each other, caring about each other, with the common goal of health. Diverse by race, age, financial stability, gender, etc. A community. It is incredibly refreshing and a part of my day that I look forward to every single day. 

I can walk the track and talk to my new friend who is 65 and comes to the gym every day for hours. Turns out she lived in New Jersey and we have a lot of similarities in background even though we are naturally different in other ways. She laps me on that track every day and wears the best, most coordinated outfits. Some of her closest friends are from the Y now. 

I can go to a class and see my first and dear friend in Augusta who takes multiple classes a week (and sometimes a day!). She inspires me every day with her strength and commitment. She inspires me with her connections to that community.  

Again, on the track, I can see the gym floor below and watch a group of men playing basketball before work or see two guys working together to improve their game. Later, pickleball courts are set up and many players spend their morning competing in a collegial way. 

At a class, I can follow a teacher whose genuine primary goal is to encourage and support their participants to try their hardest to achieve the results they want. 

It can be a quick word of encouragement to each other, a friendly hello or a shared smile, but it is understood and recognized that we are all in this together. We all brought but also left our different homes, backgrounds, cultures and world to be together as a community. What a concept in this crazy world! 

As I go back to work soon, I am scared. Excited and scared. I am scared to begin again. I am scared because I am all in and want to have a positive impact on my new organization. I am also scared of losing something that has been healing for me in so many ways at the Y. So, what do I do with this? 

I recognize those feelings because they are okay to have. I never feel just one emotion, right? I feel tons of emotions in an instant and it is okay to feel them all. There is no need to feel badly about having those feelings. That is simply a layer I don't need to have. I recognize them for what they are and feel compassion for those parts of me that feel that way. 

I am reminded by the best monologue I have read in a novel and seen performed by Michael Stuhlbarg in Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman.

Specifically, these lines strike me -

"You had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, to pray that their sons land on their feet. But I am not such a parent. In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out. Don’t be brutal with it. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything ― what a waste!"

and

"Right now there's sorrow. Pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt"

So, I figure out how to keep my community and the parts of me that are healing through that community and I get excited for all that lies ahead, recognizing that while change can be hard, it can be liberating as well. 

Song to listen to: Sunshine by OneRepublic (you can't help but smile)

Book to read: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Recipe to make: Colleen's Chili 

Yes, I am back on my soup and chili kick. My friend, Colleen, is a great cook. She would never admit to that but I have been fortunate to eat her meals multiple times and every single one has been excellent. She is a beautiful, humble, intelligent and generous person and the night she made this for us recently, the whole damn thing hit the spot. It was a simple moment for me and I keep going back to it in my mind. 

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Love and peace.