Changes upon changes

Thank you to the amazing friend who posted this on Facebook. I saved it without writing down whose it was so I apologize for not naming you.

Changes.

Changes.

It will be two years this weekend that we officially moved to Augusta, Georgia, for what was going to be strictly a two year stint. Two became three which has now become several. Probably the hardest decision we have ever had to make as a family is staying here versus going home. A ton of emotions, a ton of flip flopping, a ton of doubt and tears and yet a ton of excitement. We are also buying a new house so that we can start fresh as a family, together.

How do you ever know if you are making the right decision when both options are great and have their own positives? How do you know what is "right" for your family? How do you know what you "should" be doing in life? In the end, the most important thing is that we are together on this adventure. That we are experiencing all that is our lives in this very moment. The rest will fall into place.  The angst and the limbo have not been a friendly place to live and it is wonderful to set that aside and start living again.

Changes.

So, I got sick in April with walking pneumonia and during that time, I had a very severe bout of anxiety. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have had a great deal of experience with anxiety with a touch of depression. Apparently there is something that can happen fairly rarely - I forget the name - where some people get sick and the combination of sickness, steroids, antibiotics and probably an underlying anxiety issue can have a severe setback. Well, that was me. It was not pleasant to say the very least. To also say that I haven't felt quite right since then is an understatement. I have a lot of stressors which have made things worse as well.

I am very hesitant to talk about this, especially in such a public forum. This is something that I have a hard time sharing with even my closest friends, but I force myself to do so. I do so because while I am concerned people will think I am weird or weak or too open or vulnerable, I actually believe that people need to know this happens to "regular" people.

Anxiety, like many issues, is not discussed on a regular basis, and when it is, it's with a hushed voice. I have recounted this story that a close friend likened my post partum anxiety with me wanting to kill my babies (This person confused my disorder with post partum psychosis - NOT RELATED AT ALL). Granted this was several years ago and things are a touch better, but still.....

So I talk about it because it takes strength to do so. A lot of strength. Talking about it also givesme something I can control. I am a pretty creative person who loves life, my family, my friends.  I am active and highly functioning but I am going through a pretty tough time. I asked for help. I reached out. This does not define me.  It is part of me for sure but it does not define me. I define me. There will be good days and there will be bad days for awhile, but I am looking forward to more good than tough ones. I love reading about the simple moments people experience on social media because it is inspiring. I am looking forward to finding myself in more simple moments too. Bird by bird.

And for those out there who sometimes feel this way, you are not alone. Even people you least likely suspect can have hard times too. Life isn't easy. We are all figuring it out. Together.

Now, put on Mr. Brightside by The Killers and get cooking!

This is the season I love. I want to start drinking more red wine, cooking sauces, wearing sweaters and boots and making fires. Alas, I do live in the south so it isn't quite the same, but the signs are still there. So, even though I am feeling this way, I am providing a dish I made over the summer, which is not so fall-like. Maybe I am grasping for just a little more summer in the back of my mind!! I had to post it though because I really love roasted tomatoes and this recipe calls for them.

So, here you go.

Pasta Salad with Roasted Tomatoes - Smitten Kitchen
Roasted Tomatoes
4 cups grape tomatoes
Olive oil
Salt

Oregano Dressing
1 big clove or 2 small cloves garlic
1 1/2 T dried oregano
1 1/4 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
Freshly ground pepper
3T lemon juice
3T red or white wine vinegar
1/3 cup olive oil

Assembly
1 lb dried pasta, a bite-sized shape of your choosing
6 oz crumbled salty cheese, such as ricotta salata, feta, queso fresco
1/2 cup pine nuts, well-toasted and cooled
1/2 cup pitted and rough-chopped olives of your choice
Salt and pepper
Handful fresh basil leaves, roughly chopped

Roast tomatoes: Heat oven to 300 degrees. Cover 1 to 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or a nonstick baking mat.  Cut each small tomato in half lengthwise and arrange cut side up in a single layer on prepared sheets.

Drizzle lightly with olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Bake in oven for approximately 90 minutes, until somewhat shriveled and dry to the touch, but not fully dehydrated. Set aside until needed, letting them cool.

Make dressing: Roughly chop the garlic on a cutting board, then add the oregano, salt and a few grinds of black pepper.  Mince the mixture with your knife, until it's a grainy herb paste. Transfer to a small bowl, whisk in lemon juice and vinegar, then slowly drizzle in oil, whisking the whole time. Taste and adjust as needed; you might need more salt or vinegar. You want a strongly flavored dressing that won't get lost in that big bowl of ingredients.

Assemble salad: In a giant bowl, place drained pasta, roasted tomatoes, cheese, pine nuts, olives, and toss gently to combine.  Add dressing to taste, along with any extra salt and pepper needed. Finish with basil.  Salad can be eaten right away, but will keep in the fridge for up to 3 days. (I liked eating this a little warm or room temperature instead of cold)

Enjoy and have a very happy day, everyone!!!