Rethinking Sunday?

 

For many people, myself included, Sundays can be a bit of a downer. People call today Sunday Funday??  For me, not so much. It is the last day of the week. It is an end. It may be a day to rest but it is also a day I need to be productive for the busy week ahead. It is a day to say goodbye and rarely is one people greet enthusiastically. Lately, as the day wears on, I tend to be more in my head, quiet, struggling to be in the moment and seeing the promise of what is to come. My breathing is more shallow and I can feel my muscles constrict with every minute. I am anticipating the future, the problems that await, the stress that is looming over my shoulders waiting to create the weight of the week. This impenetrable restlessness I have been feeling for a month or two seems to always culminate on a Sunday. 

I need to own this. I need to recognize my feelings, be kind to myself for having them and then question....is that how I want my Sunday to go...every week? Let's try again. Let's get to basics. 

It is Sunday. Sunday, November 7, 2021. 2021. Almost 8 years since I began writing this blog. I am sitting in my kitchen at the white and gray marble island. It is a gray day but it looks like blue skies and sun are trying to burn through. Fighting. A fire burns gently in fireplace.  As I often need sound around me, my favorite playlist is on around me. In front of me and to the side is a vase of flowers from Sage's senior night that smell fresh and bright, a 3-wick candle that burns pretty constantly in my house, a silver bowl of white rocks, mini pumpkins and acorns. On my second cup of coffee, I hear the swish of the washer and the shifting in the dryer. The book I am currently reading is next to me, patiently waiting for me to open it and grace its pages. Need a visual?

Outside trees are in varying stages of fall. While we get more color towards the end of November, beginning of December, a couple of backyard trees show off a little now. Shedding the past to lay bare, providing space to those around it. 

Sosie came home for a brief visit but went back to Auburn late last night. Our house and my heart were full when the four of us ate dinner and watched football on TV last night. Simple moment. Yesterday, Sagey had two soccer games in Columbia and scored the winning goal against the number 1, undefeated team in the league. I had my covid booster shot on Friday and haven't felt 100% this weekend. This morning, Kelley took Chappy on a trail run (yes, he knows the word - run - and reacts in the cutest way when it is said) and Sage is sleeping soundly in bed. It is a typical Sunday..........

Break down this very moment - what do you hear, what do you see, what do you smell? Being comfortable in that very space is what I am seeking. It may happen for 20 seconds. It may happen for 20 minutes but seeking that and leaning into it......breathe deeply and feel your shoulders relax slightly.

I have been reading Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. I would like to listen to it as well but being visual, I need to read it first. I watched the Kid Cudi documentary on Friday night. As I have written, I have been thinking a lot about being comfortable in vulnerability and what that means, what that looks like. I have been thinking about spending my life searching for an outlet for creativity. A way to express, to share. Time to stretch and push away the boundaries but that will take a lot of courage. Am I ready? 

Time to put on Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens and let's get cooking. 

"Oh, oh will wonders ever cease?

Blessed be the mystery of love"

I have blogged about this recipe before but going through my mom's cookbooks recently I found the original copy. I looked at this recipe for the first time maybe 25 years ago. 25 fucking years. This recipe has evolved quite a bit over time but then so have I and I hope that growing never ceases as hard as it can be feeling those growing pains. 

Peace and enjoy...