Evolving through experience

 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was born on January 15, 1929 in Atlanta, GA. His father changed his and his son’s name from Michael after attending a conference in Germany where he became influenced by the writings of Martin Luther. (See comment below-thank you for the correction!). That said, his family and closest friends still called him, "Mike" until the day he died.  

Dr. King began college at Morehouse College at the age of 15 after skipping two grades in high school and earned his Bachelor's degree in Sociology from there. He then went on to become valedictorian when he earned his second Bachelor's in Divinity from Crozer Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania. He was a Baptist minister and in 1955, Dr. King earned his Doctor of Philosophy in Systemic Theology from Boston University. 

Henry David Thoreau played a very important part in his civil rights career with the essay entitled, "Civil Disobedience". Dr. King would be arrested close to 30 times during his career as a social and peaceful activist. While most people are familiar with some of his most famous speeches, it is important to realize that he gave 450 speeches a year for several years as well as being the author of five books. 

Dr. King was 39 years old when he was assassinated in 1968. 39. 

He is just one of many, many influential activists who were active in the Civil Rights Movement in our country. 

I think about how far we have come as a country and I also think about how far we have to go. Race relations and the topic of diversity has always been of interest to me. I have purposely read books or sought classes in school and in professional development training on these subjects. I have tried to implement what I have learned in a career setting and at home. 

I have so, so much more to learn and there is so, so much more I can do. 

It is 1989. I am taking an African-American History class at Colgate. There were maybe 15 people in the class. The professor asked the 6-8 students of color to leave the room. He then posed a question to both rooms. 

"Imagine you are born white and you spend 18 years of your life as a white person. Then, you are approached by someone and are told that there has been an error and you were not supposed to be born white. Instead, you were supposed to be born black. They apologize that an error was made and they are willing to compensate you for this error. How much would you like to receive as a result of this error?"

Each group wrote responses and then we came together as a group. That discussion was truly eye-opening. Of course there were varying answers on both sides but there were patterns as well. The white students generally stated a very low number and the people of color generally stated a very high number. That was the first day I truly realized that we live in a society whose system rewards white people directly and indirectly. 

It is spring 1990 and I am in another class and I innocently write a friend a note asking what people of color thought about a particular issue. I honestly don't remember the issue but I remember her response which was that she doesn't and can't speak for the black population. That said, she could share her own personal opinion which she did. I meant well in my question because I honestly wanted to learn. I realized that what I asked was posed incorrectly. If not everyone is the same in the white community, how can it be in any other community?

It is 1996. I work in a law firm as a Recruitment Coordinator. I attend a conference session hosted by Jane Edmonds, a consultant who has a B.A. from Harvard and a J.D. from Boston College. She does two things in that session that stay with me to this day. She plays the PBS special, A Class Divided, where Jane Elliott taught her third-grade students about discrimination the day after MLK, Jr. was assassinated. If you haven't seen it, click here. I promise it is worth your time. 

Jane Edmonds also does an exercise where she asks for 20 volunteers to stand in a line at the back of the room. She is poised at the front of the room with a dollar bill and proceeds to ask a number of questions. The crowd is mostly female but fairly diverse. A white male is the first to get the dollar bill. In all of her times completing this exercise, she has never had a different outcome. I learned three things that day. First, everyone has biases and racism is learned. Second, it reiterated how systemic racism is in our world. Third, I wanted others to hear what she had to say because I was learning so much. My mind was opened in new ways, in the real world, outside of the school classroom. My outcome was to have her speak at my place of employment and to propose a new initiative at the firm where we diversify our summer associate program. I also had her come speak to my future place of employment after 9/11/01.

It is 2001 and my daughter is born. I decide to buy her a baby doll so I go into the toy store to look for one. All of the white baby dolls are sold. I see a beautiful black baby doll and decide to buy it for my daughter. I want her to be comfortable with people who are like her and who are different from her. She loves that doll just like she does with all of her other toys, including white dolls we would purchase later. When Sosie and Sage are young they go to the American Girl doll store they choose Josefina Montoya (New Mexican girl from 1824) and Ivy Ling (Chinese-American girl from SF in the 1970s). Appreciate the differences, surround yourself with people who are unlike and like you, and find the similarities as well. Lesson learned. 

It is 2015 and I learn that the majority of the 700 Confederate monuments in the country were built between 1890-1950, the time period of Jim Crow segregation. Stone Mountain in Georgia was completed in 1960. I spend real time thinking about the messaging here. 

It is 2021 and I am in a training at work. There are maybe 10 of us in the room and it is a very diverse group of people that I care deeply about. My team. The teachers on our video conference say that the worst thing you can do as a parent is teach your kids not to see color or race. That really stuck with me. Each person has had their own experience. Cultural experiences and backgrounds are different and it is important to recognize and appreciate those differences, not gloss them over. Systemic biases and unconscious biases are real. And while every single one of us has biases - they are normal, it is how you act on those biases that makes the difference. A key is to treat every single person in the world as if they are a friend.  

I find race hard to discuss especially in a diverse room. I am so scared of saying the wrong thing and offending someone, yet, some of my best learning moments have occurred in those exact settings. I want to keep learning. I want to keep growing. I want to keep reading. Finally, I want to keep acting on what I learn. 

I don't want tomorrow, or today for that matter to go by without acknowledging how much more work there is to do. 

“I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there was mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. “ -Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom.

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."
-MLK Jr. 

"While my time here has now come to an end, I want you to know that in the last days and hours of my life you inspired me. You filled me with hope about the next chapter of the great American story when you used your power to make a difference in our society. Millions of people motivated simply by human compassion laid down the burdens of division. Around the country and the world you set aside race, class, age, language and nationality to demand respect for human dignity.

That is why I had to visit Black Lives Matter Plaza in Washington, though I was admitted to the hospital the following day. I just had to see and feel it for myself that, after many years of silent witness, the truth is still marching on.

Emmett Till was my George Floyd. He was my Rayshard Brooks, Sandra Bland and Breonna Taylor. He was 14 when he was killed, and I was only 15 years old at the time. I will never ever forget the moment when it became so clear that he could easily have been me. In those days, fear constrained us like an imaginary prison, and troubling thoughts of potential brutality committed for no understandable reason were the bars.

Though I was surrounded by two loving parents, plenty of brothers, sisters and cousins, their love could not protect me from the unholy oppression waiting just outside that family circle. Unchecked, unrestrained violence and government-sanctioned terror had the power to turn a simple stroll to the store for some Skittles or an innocent morning jog down a lonesome country road into a nightmare. If we are to survive as one unified nation, we must discover what so readily takes root in our hearts that could rob Mother Emanuel Church in South Carolina of her brightest and best, shoot unwitting concertgoers in Las Vegas and choke to death the hopes and dreams of a gifted violinist like Elijah McClain.

Like so many young people today, I was searching for a way out, or some might say a way in, and then I heard the voice of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on an old radio. He was talking about the philosophy and discipline of nonviolence. He said we are all complicit when we tolerate injustice. He said it is not enough to say it will get better by and by. He said each of us has a moral obligation to stand up, speak up and speak out. When you see something that is not right, you must say something. You must do something. Democracy is not a state. It is an act, and each generation must do its part to help build what we called the Beloved Community, a nation and world society at peace with itself.

Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble. Voting and participating in the democratic process are key. The vote is the most powerful nonviolent change agent you have in a democratic society. You must use it because it is not guaranteed. You can lose it.

You must also study and learn the lessons of history because humanity has been involved in this soul-wrenching, existential struggle for a very long time. People on every continent have stood in your shoes, though decades and centuries before you. The truth does not change, and that is why the answers worked out long ago can help you find solutions to the challenges of our time. Continue to build union between movements stretching across the globe because we must put away our willingness to profit from the exploitation of others.

Though I may not be here with you, I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe. In my life I have done all I can to demonstrate that the way of peace, the way of love and nonviolence is the more excellent way. Now it is your turn to let freedom ring.

When historians pick up their pens to write the story of the 21st century, let them say that it was your generation who laid down the heavy burdens of hate at last and that peace finally triumphed over violence, aggression and war. So I say to you, walk with the wind, brothers and sisters, and let the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide."
-John Lewis

 "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear"
-MLK, Jr. 

Song to Listen To: Sunshine by OneRepublic

Book to Read: Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

Recipe to cook: Tomato Sauce with Butter and Onions - Smitten Kitchen

Ingredients:
28 oz whole peeled tomatoes from a can (San Marzano, if you can find them) (I used diced because that is what I had and I think that worked out really well actually. This makes enough to lightly coat the pasta but if you like a lot of sauce, double recipe)
5T unsalted butter (I used 4 but it doesn't matter)
1 medium-sized yellow onion, peeled and halved
salt to taste (I didn't add salt)

Directions:
Put the tomatoes, onion and butter in a heavy saucepan (it fit just right in a 3-quart) over medium heat.  Bring the sauce to a simmer then lower the heat to keep the sauce at a slow, steady simmer for about 45 minutes, or until droplets of fat float free of the tomatoes (this didn't happen for me). Stir occasionally, crushing the tomatoes against the pot with a wooden spoon (I didn't do this because I used diced). Remove from heat, discard the onion, add salt to taste and keep warm while you prepare your pasta.  She says to serve with spaghetti, with or without grated parmesan cheese to pass. (We always use cheese!!)

I will say the flavor of the stewed onion added a lot to the sauce. The other recipe I had used was to sauté onion in olive oil and then add whole tomatoes (hand crushed in a bowl), simmer for 20 minutes and add 2T of butter at the end. I think both ways are good, depending on whether you want to have sautéed onion in the sauce or just the gentle flavor from cooking it. Either way, 3 ingredients and you are done....

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Love and peace.