Do you still write when you aren't sure of what it is you want to say? Perche No?

 

There are times when I sit to write and the words fall out of me. I almost can't keep up with my brain and heart because so many emotions are fighting to come out first. To get themselves onto the page. To be released. I am almost shaking.

Then there are times when I really want to write. I want to feel something tangible, easily describable. I want that release. I want to express what I am feeling inside but the words don't flow. I am not sure how or what I am feeling so it feels like I am staring at the road before me, unsure what I am seeing. 

Do I still write? 

Even if I am not sure I have anything to say? 

I started this blog in 2014 at the encouragement and empowerment of a dear friend. It was a cooking blog mostly. I felt odd just writing recipes so I added some life observations and a favorite song. I also felt (and still feel) that when I cook, I am in the moment. I find the space to be present because I am creating something. Building. My goal, as I have often said, is that each day I look for that one moment, whether it is 5 seconds or 5 minutes or an hour, where I can stand in the present, in the now, just be. Finding that one simple pause. Sometimes it doesn't happen every day. Sometimes it can feel like weeks pass me by. 

Find the space. Move your shoulder blades, stretch your back. Breathe extra deeply. Search for that space. It is there, waiting to be found. 

When I stop and reflect that 7 years has passed, it stops me. Halts me even. I think about how much this blog has changed since that first post. I think about why I wrote then and why I write now. I never considered (and still don't) myself a great cook. There are far many more talented cooks that I know (and can name right here, right now-you know who you are (smile)). The fact is that there are many things that I don't cook or bake because I am intimidated or scared to do so. I made my first over-easy egg the other day. Yes... really! And, yes... I broke the yolk! Rookie mistake.

The same goes for writing. I don't consider myself a writer, certainly not a talented or trained writer. Again, I am fortunate to know some incredible writers (you know who you are (smile)). To the few people who read this blog or see social media, they see one, maybe two sides, of me. They see a person who wears her emotions, or seemingly does. When I write or post, I do try to tap into the multiple dimensions to life. I am tapping, albeit the surface, into the other layers that lay within. Underneath. 

I am at an interesting crossroads in my life. I am 51. I am job hunting, yearning for the challenge and a team. Yearning to learn. I am searching for my passion. I am on the cusp of life as an empty nester. I am caring for my parents while still parenting my own children. So, when I sit down to write, sometimes the words flow and sometimes they don't. Do I still write? I don't know. Today I did and it felt good.  

Tiny tidbit - Perche No is the best name of a place to buy gelato in Florence......Why not? 

Song to listen to: New Years Day, Taylor Swift

Book to read: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (start the adventure from the beginning)

Meal to cook: Thai Beef with Chiles Over Coconut Rice (man I need to update my menu index.....)

Choose Kindness. Every gesture counts. Love and peace.