jump. no DIVE into the deep end. it is scary as f"ck but I promise it's worth it

 

I am driving. It is night. May. Chanel by Frank Ocean plays. The sun has just set in the sky even though it is almost 8:30 p.m. The colors I am seeing on the horizon are varying oranges, reds and purples. Layers upon layers until I see the dark above. Stars just beginning to express themselves. Little beings, old as they are but new to the person viewing them. I am thinking. 

It was a really long day at work but it ended with drinks and dinner and my friend. As it always is with her, it was simply refreshing to sit and reconnect. I love to learn what is going on in her world and it is nice to share what is going on in mine. Sitting in the booth felt both secluded, private and social at the same time. I was shielded from the buzz of the world outside. 

As I drive home, I think of drives I have taken over the years. I grew up taking road trips. We did not fly as a family. We drove. The journey was just as fun as the destination. There have been many times in my life I have taken a drive. Driving just to drive. No destination. Just the journey. Time to reflect. Time to listen to music. Time to talk to a friend (Mish-I am talking to you). Time to be. Just be. 

I am leaving on Friday for a trip. It is a trip, not a vacation. I was reminded of this important difference this week. The difference between vacation and trip. Vacation is Cabo. Beach. Sun. Sand everywhere. Relaxing. Beautiful in its own right. A trip. This trip. This trip. It is my adventure and it begins tomorrow. Visiting cities I have only imagined visiting. Cities I have not yet explored but I already love. Likely have loved in past lives too. I have wanted to experience this for a lifetime it feels like. A dream that others have lived many times, again and again. Will I come back completely relaxed without a care? No. I will though come back rejevunated. I will come back with a perspective that is different than the one I have now, writing this, a few glass of wine in, listening to Whitely on Sonos, May 18 (Momoo's birthday-anoush pan), 2023.

My goal? My goal is not to see it all. I don't need to feel like I have a checklist I need to check off. My goal is not a perfect vacation. Perfect, you see, is the enemy of good. My goal is to live. To experience. To enjoy. To sit in a café and write. Observe people around me. Be the fly on that freaking centuries old cracked wall. Take it in. Carpe Diem. Soak it in. Soak in every particle of air. I don't need to see everything to say I have seen it. I just need to learn about another country, another culture. Again. It is the journey. The adventure. Not the destination. 

Will I be out of my comfort zone at times? Yes
Will I sometimes wish I was on my couch watching a movie or a basketball game? Yes
Will I wish my trip never ends? Yes, especially after I am home.

You know what? The best things happen when you go outside your comfort zone. Let me restate - when I go outside my comfort zone.  It may feel weird. It may be anxiety inducing. It may feel like you want to crawl into bed under the covers, all safe and warm. But I promise the BEST things come from trying. Just trying.  I sometimes feel uncomfortable in my skin. I know that is exposing, especially me being old, well, older at least. To feel the struggle. To actually appreciate the struggle. The struggle is what it is all about. In the end, it's that moment. THE moment. 

Time to put on Chanel by Frank Ocean and let's...get takeout. Blast the song. Even if you have never heard Frank Ocean before. Just put it on. Close your eyes and LISTEN. Take it in. And instead of cooking, order something that is something totally different than normal. Go out of your comfort zone. Live in the moment. BE THE MOMENT. 

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love always.