Several years ago there was a suicide at my daughters' school. It was a very difficult time for our small community. In the world, most have been touched by anxiety and depression and many of us have experienced anxiety and depression first-hand. I have.
I am grateful that there is more discussion and openness about mental health. We have a long way to go, but it is a start.
Sage and I were driving somewhere recently and she put on a song. I love listening to my kid's music. I learn so much about them by the songs that speak to them. Music is integral to my life and I can listen to songs on repeat. Music is an escape and it is my way to dream, imagine, find space. It is my path to seeking, searching, learning. It can make me laugh, shout, dance or cry. It sparks memories and emotions that are on the surface or buried deep inside.
I am not sure my kids understand that the way they feel about music can also feel the same to me. I wish they did. I look forward to the time when they really look at me and see the depth that is there, waiting to be shared with them.
Anyway, Sage put on "play this when I'm gone" by Machine Gun Kelly and explained that this was a suicide note he had written for his daughter. It is strikingly beautiful and haunting and it just filled me with emotion. It reminded me of what I had written all of those years ago in my blog post.
______________________
For me, I think of the complete desperation one must feel.
For me, I send my deepest compassion to all of the families who deal with depression and anxiety in their kids every day, and especially to those whose children take their own lives.
For me, I send love and deep strength to all of the kids who feel so alone.
For me, I think of my peer in my high school who took her life and the deep effects it had on our own small community.
For me, I think of my cousin, Edward.
For me, I think of my kids and how they will handle this tragic news.
For me, I want kids to be kids for as long as humanly possible.
For me, I think of the increasing pressure kids feel every day. The weight you have on your shoulders to do more, be more, be the best in sports, be the prettiest or most handsome, get the best grades, do as many activities as you possibly can. Then, completely differentiate yourself from your peers so that you can get into a good college, then grad school. That way you can get a great job that pays a lot of money and then you will be happy. It is exhausting just thinking about it.
For me, all I want to do is give my girls a hug. Let them know I love them, and am always here for them, unconditionally, and am so proud they are my daughters. I am grateful I get to be their mom. If they need to talk to someone and it can't be me, that is totally fine! As long as they talk. As long as it is someone they can trust.
For me, I want mental health to become a priority in this country. Let therapy become a normal thing instead of having a stigma attached to it. Instead of being something not discussed, bring it into the open. It is hard growing up. It is hard for parents to parent! Parents have never been parents until they are in fact, parents! I am not going to do everything right and they aren't going to everything right as kids. It is a growing process as families to be together, figuring it out, as we go. A little extra help along the way is a very good thing.
For me, I need to acknowledge the sadness I feel. I don't know this particular family but I still feel very sad. I send love, support, and deepest thoughts and concern to all who loved her, all who knew her, and hope that happy memories as well as compassion fill the voids left in their hearts.
For me, I want to yell from the tree tops that no one is alone. There is always help. No matter how sad you are, how alone you are, you are truly never alone. There is always someone who can help.
For me, I want all my friends and families to know that they are loved. You are special and you are never alone.
For me, I realize that in time, life moves on. It has to. The sun will set, the sun will rise. With each passing moment, I take hold. I realize that life is so fragile and so fleeting. You must grab the simple moments where you can, grab your place in time and cherish it. Hold onto it. Suck the marrow from it. Seize the day. Seize the moment.
___________________________
Then, I think about the bravery and courage that this artist had to publish this song, and the strength his daughter had to be okay with it. I hope everyone takes a listen, really listens and allows themselves to feel. We must learn from each other and we must treat every single person with love and kindness.
Now, let's cook. Keeping with the theme of soup this week.
Thanksgiving in Washington, D.C. did not disappoint. Family, friends, amazing food, beautiful setting made with love, and new homes mixed with the challenges and complexities of life. As I have mentioned, my sister in law is immensely talented and this is her recipe for post-Thanksgiving turkey. Enjoy!
Curried Turkey Soup
2 T olive oil
4 tsp. curry powder
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. peeled, minced fresh ginger
64 oz. fat-free, low-sodium chicken broth (divided)
2 cups chopped onion (1 large)
1 cup chopped leek
½ cup diced carrot
½ cup diced celery
½ cup diced peeled Golden Delicious apple (1/2 apple)
1 T lemon juice
12 oz. evaporated skim milk
½ cup flour
3 cups finely shredded roast turkey (or chicken – about 3
breasts)
kosher salt
freshly ground black pepper
To serve:
2 ¾ cups cooked rice
¾ cup diced peeled Golden Delicious apple (1 apple)
1/3 cup dry roasted peanuts, chopped
1/3 cup sweetened flaked coconut, toasted
1/3 cup chopped parsley
In a Dutch oven, heat oil over medium-low heat. Add the curry powder, garlic, and ginger, and sauté for 2 minutes. Add the onion, leek, carrot, celery, and apple; sauté for 5 minutes. Add half the chicken broth, and bring to a boil; reduce the heat and simmer for 15 minutes.
Place half the vegetable mixture in a food processor and blend til smooth. Pour into a bowl. Repeat with the remaining half of the vegetable mixture. (Or use an immersion blender.) Return mixture to the pot, and add the lemon juice, evaporated milk, and half the remaining broth. In a bowl, whisk together the remaining broth and the flour. Add to the pot and stir to combine. Add the turkey. Bring just to a boil; reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring frequently, until thickened. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
To serve, place ¼ cup rice in each bowl. Pour soup over top, then sprinkle diced apple, peanuts, coconut and parsley on top.
Peace
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