Grit. Sage is in 3rd grade. We live in Massachusetts. She goes to a soccer try out for the travel team. There are 60 third grade girls there for the same reason. Parents are not allowed within the vicinity. The girls are competing for one team of 10 or 11 girls (playing 8v8). She walks onto the field with confidence and a smile, even if nerves are hovering inside. Sage makes the team and Coach Michelle is in charge of these little bucks. The biggest lesson that she teaches them that season about grit stays with Sage to this day and frankly still stays with me. More than any soccer drill, she taught them the life lesson of grit. When you are challenged sometimes it is pure grit that gets you through. Pure grit.
Introspection. I am a senior in high school and 17 years old. I am applying to colleges. I was deferred from my early decision, first choice, dream school. Then waitlisted, then denied. My cousin died by suicide (see comment at bottom) at the end of September and I received this news after I had scored two goals in a field hockey game and was feeling amazing. Three weeks later my grandfather died. A couple of months after that the school guidance counselor asked me to befriend a student she feared was thinking of harming herself. The sad fact was that we were already friends and I cared about her, as I did all of my friends, but that extra pressure, especially after what I had just gone through inspired a lot of deep thought. My senior spring there was a serious fire at my school, the school that I had been at for 14 years. The school where my father held a leadership role and a place that was integral to my world. My base, my structure had shifted. I needed to look inward at what really mattered in this world.
Inner strength. I am in college. I am 20 years old and feeling a bit untethered in the age of self-discovery and growth. Going through serious angst with my best friend and also with a boy that created great confusion, guilt and deep emotion for the first time. I am in a play and it is three weeks before Thanksgiving break. I call my mom crying and explain that I want to drop out of college. Mom says in a very strong but compassionate manner to dig deep and get through these last few weeks before break. Her sage words were that we would talk about all of the options when I got home, and that we would figure it out. Together. There was no anger or judgement from her. She listened. She was compassionate and her instruction was simply for me to find the inner strength that I didn't necessarily realize was there to move forward. It was within me. I just needed to tap into it.
Flexibility and Patience. I am pregnant. I am 30 years old. We have just bought our first home. Kelley has just been laid off of work. I give birth 4.5 weeks early. I struggle with postpartum anxiety, a misunderstood condition that is not discussed publicly in 2001 yet. There is this little beautiful being that is changing by the hour and I have absolutely no idea what I am doing when caring for this peanut. Two words come to my mind - flexibility and patience. An image of Sosie balling her eyes out. Kelley or I are holding her as we walk up and down the 2 flights of stairs in our tiny house so that she can be elevated, constantly moving and comfortable. When that doesn't work, we try something else. We are going to do whatever it takes to figure out how to make her feel better, no matter how long it takes.
Adaptability. I am 43 years old. Kelley has just competed in the Ironman at Lake Placid. On the Tuesday after the Ironman, Kelley is offered the job opportunity to move to Augusta, GA for 2-3 years. Massachusetts to Georgia. 900 miles. We need to visit, decide, rent our MA home, buy our GA home, choose a school for the kids and move within 2 months. Effectively, we are all starting over. Starting all over. We left family, friends who were like family, our 98 year old dream house that we had spent 2 years renovating, my career and job security, schools, comfort and safety to move to a very different environment and culture. The challenge was also the attraction. Adaptability.
Resilience. Today. I am 51 years old. Augusta, GA. There is yet another version of the Covid world. There is a sense of mortality and a changing of roles with my parents. There is a shift in my own growth and being as well as physical changes that stirs many emotions. There is a changing family dynamic with children finding adulthood and learning to spread their wings. I am struggling to find the strength to allow these independent souls to take flight. I find my way back to my career and working on an amazing team finally after some faltering along the way. Then, then, then, the week before Christmas, when I am ready for my first real vacation since starting my new role, I find myself shocked and saddened that I am now back on shaky ground. There are tears and there is insecurity and low self-esteem, yet. Yet. I do not have the opportunity to fix what was apparently broken and in a situation I have never once been in my career. I am a fixer but I am unable to fix this one. Yet. Kelley says to take the lessons you can from this and move forward. It isn't the challenge, it is how you handle the challenge. The resilience. I got this. I got this. I got this.
“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.”– Malcolm X
“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”– Bernice Johnson Reagon
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”– Haruki Murakami
These are only a few times in my life where I have learned key character traits during periods of challenge. Sometimes all that is needed is to review these lessons from the past to help you face the present, to be in the present. Finding strength in the vulnerabilities. Finding strength in the struggles. Finding strength to move forward, step by step. Bird by bird. So that I am stronger than before.
Time to put on Man on the Moon by Kid Cudi and let's cook.
I have been working my way through Ellie Krieger, Whole in One. Every single recipe has been amazing. This recipe is no exception. Click here for Roasted Vegetable Bowl with White Beans and Roasted Garlic Balsamic Dressing
2 comments:
Dear Amy,
I read and appreciate each of your small essays. Your thoughts and how you express them stay with me; you are truly gifted. With this one, however, I need to push back slightly. I am doing this in a comment instead of an email because I believe it is something many people need to learn: please do not ever say “committed suicide.” It is not done in the mental health world anymore and the media world is quickly learning as well. The reasons are many, but this huff post article is a quick primer on it: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mental-health-language-committed-suicide_l_5aeb53ffe4b0ab5c3d6344ab. It is not a matter of being ‘woke’ or politically correct. It is to reduce shame and stigma as well as being more accurate.
Please keep writing and sharing recipes, they are a little bright spot in my day.
Michelle
Thank you for this feedback. I just read a few articles and edited the above to “died by suicide”. This was a helpful learning moment and I appreciate your taking the time.
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