Well, don't scratch it, exactly. It has stayed with me, though, this thought. This thought that I didn't dig deep enough. That I was not able to grasp or put into words how I was really feeling when I wrote it. Sometimes I read my posts again after some time has passed and they resonate. Sometimes they don't and sometimes I can't believe I published it at all. I don't really spend a lot of time editing my writing. It is more stream of consciousness. The last one, though, damn. It's like I only scratched the surface of what was going on and didn't really get to the heart of it. I even changed the title of the post several times. Something was clearly missing.
Realizing this made me think. When I feel something, really feel it, is when I am my most authentic self. My most genuine, most creative me. Those are the posts that are the most well received too. It's like anything. When you see a performance in a movie that really strikes you. For me it isn't the performances that are over-acted. It's the ones that make you feel something because it strikes a chord as the observer/audience member. Watching dancers, musicians, same thing. When I write poetry sometimes people ask me what a particular poem is about. I always ask what they think it is about. Interpretation is up to the person experiencing just as my interpretation is how I feel when I wrote it in the first place.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote boneless. It was about letting go. For me, it was about not letting fear dictate actions because of how you (I) might be perceived. It was about finding my spontaneity, the inner parts that have crawled back into myself since my father passed away. Currently, I am home alone for a stretch of time. Finding myself with extra time has in equal parts made me cherish the time alone as well as made me want to be social and out of the house. Sometimes it is hard to sit with myself without getting too inside my head. The other night I went out with friends for drinks and a light dinner. It was a beautiful evening. As I drove home I decided I wanted to swim. I have been drawn to the water this summer more so than years prior. So, I got home, stripped my clothes off and went into the water. Skinny dipping. No one could see me. It was completely private. Just me. It felt amazing.
In the past I have written about how I feel like people often treat each other in such a surface or transactional manner. Social media platforms encourage this because people feel more entitled to be passive aggressive and even aggressive in how they share their opinions of others. I read comments people write and am blown away that someone feels okay writing what they are writing without concern for how someone might feel on the receiving end. My goal is to treat everyone like a friend. If we all did a bit more of this, maybe the world would be a little bit more kind.
Put on It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) by Bob Dylan and let's get cooking. If you haven't read Chronicles by him, it's worth the read. It won the Nobel Prize for Literature. He is an artist in the truest sense of the word and it is amazing to get into his mind a bit.
The recipe I am sharing with you today starts with a memory. The first time I tasted this sauce I was blown away. It had some of my favorite tastes but I also remember that dinner like it was yesterday. Sitting outside in the summer air with dear friends. Candles. A little vase of flowers. Wine. Simply perfect. They may not remember this particular evening but the honor of being invited followed by one of those evenings where we all lived in the present and enjoyed the moment, the food, the wine, the air. It has stayed and will stay with me for years and years to come. Love you, Frails.
3 comments:
Good thoughts-❤️
This is lovely, Amy! And if you feel like you didn't quite delve deeply enough for your liking on that post from last week, perhaps it was what you needed just to get the process started, and to open yourself up to letting the thoughts and creativity in: last week's post scratched the surface enough to make the thoughts form and take shape enough for you to capture them in words - like water flowing to the empty spaces... You just needed to create the space for them.❤️ - CC
Loved! Thank you for sharing! <3
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