nightswimming

 

picture this: 

me, seven years old
after dinner
hot summer night
no breeze 
a perfect night for one thing
nightswimming
only problem?
no pool

That's not a problem though. Uncle Will and Aunt Evie have one! We beg and plead. Can we please call? Can we go? Can we go? Like right now? 

My brother and I are changed into bathing suits and in the car before my parents have even relented. 

The ten minute drive feels like an hour. Windows are rolled down. I could drive there. I am a child of course but I know the way. Of course I know the way to one of my favorite places in the world. The familiar landmarks in my mind's eye. The drive-in theatre. The miniature golf course. The other mini-golf course. The sign for the school where my dad works. Then, finally the neighborhood. The divided road and finally we turn right at the corner by the tree. Anticipation at its height. We're almost there. We pull up to the curb and park. We are there. The dream. Realized. Towels swung over our shoulders. At the fence we wait for my dad to open the latch. The door creaks open. We are there. 

A clear night and in my memory it is perfect. Nothing is wrong. No bugs. No problems. Uncle Will, Aunt Evie and us. The water is warm because their pool heater is broken and it is simply perfect for the evening air. We are all in the pool. I am floating on my back. I am staring at the stars for what feels like hours, days. It is beautiful. Night noises and our laughter are the only sounds that matter.

I am obsessed with water. As a young child, I sit on my grandmother's lap in New Jersey and we look through her House Beautiful and Better Homes and Garden magazines searching for pools. For hours. They are oversized magazines so we can see the details. The flowers. The landscaping. The pools. The water. I imagine lying on my back in the pool, surrounded by beauty, staring at the sky. Then, my grandmother offers to make me french toast. Heaven. 

Fast forward. 

I am working this summer afternoon at home. June 29, 2023. After work I am debating a walk, gym or something else. It is hot. I am changed and am in the pool before I have fully decided to swim. My pool. Yes, the dream. My dream. Realized. I feel the water. Silky. Soft. It embraces me. Envelopes me. Comforts even. Allows me to spread my wings. I float on my back staring at the sky. I tread water. I am me. My dog is running around taking in the moment as only a pet can. Music plays. The past is the present. The present inspires me. 

I realize I need to write. Motivation is there to capture. My words won't do what I am feeling justice but it doesn't matter. I pour wine, I light the candle, I play songs that I feel deeply and I write. 

Immensely grateful. 

Now put on some songs that speak to you in ways that you feel in your soul. 

I am not cooking tonight and I am perfectly okay with that. 

The picture I place here is unedited. It is me. Just me. I am perfectly okay with that. 

Choose kindness. Every gesture counts. Peace and love always. 

-Amy